There is no better time than Mental Health Awareness month to pause and take some time for yourself and your mental health.
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October 31st, 1986, I was 24 and at a party with a girlfriend whose name I don't recall. I felt alone in a crowd, and truly by the Grace of God, I heard the line in AA's 3rd Tradition, "The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking." It was this sentence that helped me believe that I was welcome.
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The holiday season is in full swing! This can be a time of excitement, joy, love, giving, receiving, fun; and, it can also be a time of exhaustion, fear, guilt, and at times depression. This is a time when we want to be doing more self-care, not less. There are going to be a million things trying to grab our attention over the next few weeks, and I want to encourage you to be mindful of how, where, when, and with whom you spend your time. Here are few things to remember this holiday season:
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When I think back to my first holiday in sobriety it was extremely difficult. From the outside looking in, I was by all appearances ready to join the festivities, but inside I was not ready. I was still very much conflicted with myself, and I had a lot of shame. I felt stuck on how to be myself.
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Halloween is one of my favorite holidays because it is the sobriety date of my parents as well as my own. I distinctly remember being at a Halloween party with many people yet I can’t remember any of their faces or names…..I remember taking a beer and standing on the deck contemplating, really wondering whether or not I could drink the beer and forget myself, yet again.
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Halloween is just one week away! When you think of Halloween, there is a good chance that images of kids dressing in imaginative costumes, candy and decorations come to mind. It can be fun to reminisce about our childhood Halloween experiences, including going door-to-door collecting candy and sorting through the treasure at the end of the night. What a great and fun time to connect with your inner child!
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If you’re struggling to make consistent changes in your life, it could be because your body has gotten used to operating as if there is a ticking clock above your head. Perhaps everything feels like it needs to be done NOW, while thinking of 8 other things. Or maybe you get so overwhelmed, you feel frozen and depressed, so doing anything feels monumental.
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“Let go or be dragged” One of the members from group last night shared with us this AA slogan, “Let go or be dragged”. It’s really speaking to me this morning as I am continuing to take back the illusion of control. I surrender, and turn this over and then a few minutes later I find myself obsessing about a detail or a way that I might be able to manipulate a situation.
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ACA and my recovery has taught me how the concepts of powerlessness, unmanageability, and an external locus of control have showed up in my life and in my relationships. I often work with clients who are seeking therapy because their lives feel so unmanageable, a feeling I am very familiar with.
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Many years ago & when I first got into recovery, I was introduced to the term, Family of Choice. It was presented as being distinctly different than the family I was born into, and that there are specific criteria for members of a Family of Choice. Conceptually, I had no reference point. Yet seeing it play out was profound and life changing.
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What does your inner critic say to you? When you walk by a mirror what do you tell yourself? When you make a mistake at work, what do you think about yourself? We all have self-talk, and we should be kind to ourselves. Yet at times, we are our worst critic and beat ourselves up over whatever is happening in our lives. We need to practice self-compassion.
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Wintertime can come with the “winter blues”; people can feel more sluggish and gloomier. Unfortunately, sometimes the “winter blues” impact daily life so extensively that it becomes Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).
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Does convenience or circumstances dictate my boundaries, or do my boundaries dictate my circumstances? This was such a pivotal question that a therapist once asked me. I had no idea that it would be turning point in my own recovery.
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Taking care of yourself can be easy to say and difficult walk out. It’s so easy to concern ourselves with our partner’s wellbeing, our children, our friends, parents etc., the list goes on. It’s easy to put yourself on the back burner when there are so many others to tend to. Taking proper care of self paradoxically, is the best way to help others around you.
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Anticipatory grief is a term used to describe the emotions we feel when we know a difficult loss may be coming. This can happen when we think a relationship is ending, when a loved one has an illness, when a transition is coming, or there is the possibility of a pandemic returning. This type of grief can be confusing because the event hasn’t occurred, yet we may feel “off” or overwhelmed.
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What does it mean to feel connected to someone else? How do I know if I have a deep connection with another person? These are questions I have asked myself in the past after recognizing that many of my relationships were positive, and yet I didn’t feel close to anyone. At times, it felt like I could be in a room full of people who loved me and cared about me, and still felt like nobody could really see me.
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I used to live life in pain, almost at all times. I yearned for a when time I was pain free. I told myself if only I could find the right workout regimen, the right supplements or medications, the right therapist, the right self help book, the right relationship, the right employer- I could surely avoid all the pain right?
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When I was first introduced to meditation, I was not a believer in its benefits. I thought the only form of meditation was sitting cross-legged in silence or with some soft music playing in the background while muttering “hummm” every few seconds. When I reflect back on this, I realize that I didn’t “believe” in it because I didn’t understand what it really was and how it helps the body.
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I try and share this with my clients using a metaphor. If one has never been to the ocean and I show pictures of it, or share the sound of it, or if one flies over it in an airplane, all of these things are helpful and yet not the same as experiencing it for oneself. When one goes to the ocean and feels the vastness, or experiences what the undertow feels like, they have their own experience of the ocean. I haven’t been able to do the ocean justice because it’s so personal and powerful. I would say that’s true about intensives as well.
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Spring has arrived! The weather is getting warmer, it stays lighter outside later into the evening, and the trees and flowers are starting to bloom. I love this time of the year because I feel an increase in motivation and energy as the anticipation of summer is upon us. On my drive to work in the morning, I have been intentionally looking at the blooming trees and thinking about the beauty they add to this world.
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