I used to live life in pain, almost at all times. I yearned for a when time I was pain free. I told myself if only I could find the right workout regimen, the right supplements or medications, the right therapist, the right self help book, the right relationship, the right employer- I could surely avoid all the pain right?

Wrong. My world shifted when I realized pain is a part of life. The only way to avoid pain is to not live life. If I avoided everything that brought me pain, I’d have to avoid all the great things too. Like taking risks, traveling, loving others, working for a goal, trying new things. What I was actually creating by not accepting my pain was misery.

Misery comes when I attempt to reject my reality, wish I didn’t have these painful circumstances, deny things are happening, and avoid feeling emotions. One surefire way to ensure I am in misery is to ponder the “why” of everything. Why did they treat me this way? Why are we here? Why did it rain today? Why do I have this illness?

Trying to figure out the why also keeps me in my head and out of the experience. If I get to remain pondering the why, I don’t have to step into acceptance or into the solution. I don’t have to step into feeling my emotions.

Figuring out the why is not the same as learning or making meaning from my experiences. Making meaning, or seeing the lesson, is one of my strengths, but it still doesn’t answer the why. Knowing the why is not necessary for me to move forward in life. Once I gave up questioning the why of everything, my misery transformed to pain.

My world also shifted when I learned there was more to life than two emotions- pain and not pain. There is disappointment, excitement, jealousy, gratitude, confusion, fear, joy…the list goes on. When I learned to name and identify my emotions rather than just “good” or “bad”, I learned more about myself, what I needed, and my body.

Acceptance of a few things allowed me to step into my power and stop being in misery:

I can’t have all the wonderful things in life without some risk of pain
Not all emotions are bad or need to go away. In fact, they often give me much more useful information than that
I don’t get to know the why

Pain is inevitable. Misery is optional. Healing is possible.

Love,

Jessica

Transforming Misery into Pain

Trying to figure out the why also keeps me in my head and out of the experience. If I get to remain pondering the why, I don’t have to step into acceptance or into the solution. I don’t have to step into feeling my emotions.