Anytime we feel lost, hurt, or inspired to make even the most specific parts of our lives better in some way, we can find a website, article or paper about some self-help topic that speaks to us. This is often the first step taken before deciding to begin therapy with a helping professional. But rarely does someone talk about being the person who is married to or the child/parent/sibling of the person seeking help.
Read MoreRe-think your idea of intimacy. Many people immediately think physical intimacy, forgetting that emotional intimacy is equally important for a couple to have a deep connection. Emotional intimacy means hearing, understanding, emotionally supporting, and connecting with your partner outside of or in addition to physical contact.
Read MoreIn one of Sharon’s lectures about coupleship, I remember her saying so simply, ”helpful couples therapy in a matter of two or three sessions should be able to identify what each individual is bringing to the relationship that needs individual healing.” In other words, in a few sessions the dysfunction that each individual brings to the relationship from their family of origin and or life before they ever met their partner, will be brought into the light. The light shines on what’s not working. This becomes the obvious material that each individual takes into their individual therapy
Read MoreIt’s the season of LOVE! Truly, shouldn’t all seasons be a time to cultivate love and make meaningful deposits into your relationship banks? The more often we make meaningful ‘deposits’ into our relationship love bank (ie, moments of connection, feeling seen, heard, loved), the less impactful it can feel when withdrawals (ie, conflict, moments of disconnection or distraction) inevitably occur.
Read MoreDo you struggle in your relationship? That should probably be a rhetorical question because I’ve yet to meet any person who doesn’t have some struggle in one of their relationships. You’re not alone. Do you become activated quickly and find it hard to remain calmly engaged with your partner or others? Do you find yourself retreating from relationships? Do you find yourself becoming anxious or depressed when your partner, friend, or family member is upset? If so, you may find healing in a group therapy experience.
Read MoreHave you ever been in the middle of a fight or argument with someone, maybe a spouse/partner, friend, parent, sibling, and thought to yourself, “How did we even get here?”
Me too.
This time between Christmas and New Year’s feels so good to reflect, renew and set some intention for a new year. I’m amazed at the power of writing down thoughts and intentions. This gives me an opportunity to consider my hopes and dreams for the upcoming year. Here is a simple outline for an intention setting activity.
When people ask me how to improve their relationship, they are often surprised to hear one of the solutions is for both partners to have a defined sense of self. In society, books, movies, even in some religions we are taught enmeshment where what we want, need, and desire is given up to make the other person happy. When we cross our own boundaries, give up having needs, learn to medicate our feelings, or put others first all the time, our sense of self erodes away.
Read MoreIn an effort to demystify and break down some of the barriers of mental illness and how to talk about it, I first want to share some examples that don’t work.
Read MoreI was sharing with my husband the other night about an incident where a friend replied to an email and I felt stunned. After not talking to this friend in a year I invited her to attend a work event. She declined saying that since we hadn’t connected in so long that it was time to end our personal relationship but we could continue to be professional colleagues.
Read MoreIn my work as a psychotherapist, I often ask people what they need in order to feel emotionally safe. Most people haven’t ever been asked this question or ever thought much about it. Sometimes people will say that in order to feel safe they need there to be “no judgment”, which I believe is an impossibility.
Read MoreCodependency is when ones insides and outsides do not match up. Another definition is needlessness, or “I’ll do it my damn self” because no one can do it as well as I can. Another definition is micromanaging and over functioning with another person or other people in general. This is an external focus, or locus of control. The root of codependency is dishonesty.
Read MoreCouples are often so hurt or so entrenched with being right that they have lost the essence of who they are and who their partner is. I believe that we’re designed to see the flaws and shortcomings in our partner more easily than focusing on our own flaws and shortcomings.
Read MoreI hate to admit this, but I had a difficult time accepting my pregnancy and being happy about the wonderful gift we were given from God because it didn’t seem like we were ready to have another baby.
Read MoreIt’s been my experience personally and professionally, that when families and couples lean into just 3 new tools for their relationships, they often spend less time feeling isolated and polarized. Helping people find ways to reconnect and share the truth about what they need and want is what allows people to be seen and heard. Please reach out if I, or any of my team can be of assistance.
Read MoreAs a Professional Counselor for 20 plus years and as a married woman for almost 20 years, I truly believe it takes more than love to make a marriage work. In fact, by the time couples show up in my office it sometimes seems to be an after thought or something long forgotten. Couples are often so hurt or so entrenched with being right that they have lost the essence of who they are and who their partner is. I believe that we’re designed to see the flaws and shortcomings in our partner more easily than focusing on our own flaws and shortcomings.
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