Re-think your idea of intimacy. Many people immediately think physical intimacy, forgetting that emotional intimacy is equally important for a couple to have a deep connection. Emotional intimacy means hearing, understanding, emotionally supporting, and connecting with your partner outside of or in addition to physical contact.

Create small rituals that are just for you two. Things like a “no interruptions” end of day decompression time, removing screens from the bedroom, coffee in the mornings, or a short walk can be great ways to increase time together and practice prioritizing one another and your relationship. These connecting rituals don’t have to be expensive, time consuming, or gigantic to make a difference.

Kiss, hug, greet, acknowledge your partner before the pets or your phone/computer. I know it might sound silly, but many couples say that their pets or partner’s work get more attention than they do.

Increase physical touch and affection outside of the bedroom by hand holding, making more eye contact, cuddling, hugging, kissing, leaning on one another, massages, etc. These physical connections increase feel good and bonding chemicals in the brain and can reduce the pressure on physical contact always having to end with sex.

Have gratitude. Look for the good in your partner and their actions. Notice when they do something that you’re grateful for and let them know.

Name what’s happening without blaming. Chances are if you’re feeling something, your partner is too. The relief that happens after the unspoken elephant in the room is named can be profound. Naming something makes it easier to discuss more often, or to decide to seek out additional help in couple’s therapy.

Do something new together. If “date night” has consisted of dinner and alcohol for the past ten years and doesn’t seem to be cutting it anymore, rethink your idea of date night. Perhaps “date night” could now become “date day”. Learn a new hobby together so you have something to connect over and with. Try out an art class, golfing, kayaking, a play, concert, yoga, hiking, fishing, or cooking just to name a few.

These tips aren’t all it takes to make a relationship work or a “fix all” for a couple who is hurting. If these feel completely out of reach, or you are curious how to begin, give us a call to set up an initial consultation or session. You can also look at our marriage counseling page to learn more about how couple’s therapy can help you.

Trusting the process,

Jessica

Tips for Increasing Intimacy in Relationships