Tools for Coupleship & Families

1.) Breathe-Taking a deep breath to calm the nervous system and re-regulate is a powerful way to step into intention rather than reacting the same familiar way.

2.) Rate the Intensity of Feeling-Using a scale of 1-10, begin to rate one’s intensity of feeling. If the feeling is anger and the intensity gets above a 7 or an 8, it’s wise to take a break as most people cannot hear what’s being said nor control what they are saying when the intensity is this high.

3.) Express Gratitude and Appreciation-Acknowledge and share the good stuff. Learn to see the glass as half full and express this. It doesn’t mean that there are also some difficulties, both can be happening. 

4.) Centering/Meditation-Begin a practice of centering meditation as a way one can be more clear about what one wants and needs.  

5.) The Do-Over-(My personal favorite) When either person realizes they’re headed for the “suckhole” they can call a do-over. Literally backing up and starting the whole conversation over again. It helps to re-enter the room and start from the beginning, taking a deep breath first. 

6.) Listen and validate without fixing the problem-Listening is an art, and most people want to be seen and heard. When a person tries to fix or give advice, often both people wind up feeling misunderstood and polarized. 

7.) Give oneself and each other Grace-It’s difficult to try new behavior and even more difficult to do relationships without making mistakes. When all else fails, it may be wise to lower expectations. 

It’s been my experience personally and professionally, that when families and couples lean into just 3 new tools for their relationships, they often spend less time feeling isolated and polarized. Helping people find ways to reconnect and share the truth about what they need and want is what allows people to be seen and heard. Please reach out if I, or any of my team can be of assistance.  

                                                   Most Sincerely, Sheila