“In healthy families, the parents are there to meet the emotional needs of the children. In dysfunctional families, the children are there to meet the emotional needs of the parents.” - Virginia Satir

In helping individuals in their own recovery, and or couples that are trying to lead their family in a healthier direction, this statement illuminates where some wounding may have taken place, or where some healing can still take place.

Although treatment plans vary from couple to couple, we often draw from an approach called Family Systems Therapy (FST). This intervention is rooted in the idea that when one part of a system (or relationship) has a problem, the whole system is affected. The goal of FST is to invite ownership and responsibility into your relationship. Rather than blaming your partner or judging their inner psychic process, this approach will ask you to take care of your own side of the street first. It will also help you identify your expectations, needs, and beliefs, and begin sharing them in your relationship.

Conflict is inevitable in any relationship. The key is not to avoid conflict, but to learn how to navigate it in a way that is peaceful and non-reactionary. No matter how stuck or hopeless you might feel, it is possible to acquire the skills and tools to breathe new life into your relationship. Our goal is to show you how.

We believe families heal when the individuals in the family system begin to heal. We also know that families need help with communicating and creating a plan for growth and recovery. Addiction and mental illness place an incredible strain on families and relationships. We offer many opportunities for families to not only support their loved one’s progress at the Relationship Enrichment Center, but to work toward strengthening the family system as well.

About Experiential Family Therapy

Experiential family therapy is a form of talk therapy combined with enactments that focus on the improvement of relationships among family members. It gives each person the opportunity to share their own perception of the strengths, issues and concerns in the family. It is a way to assist families and discover their path to healing and wholeness.

Misattunement or poor boundaries can look like a parent talking to their child the same way they would talk to their adult partner. This could have happened in one’s family of origin, and seem like a perfectly natural way to connect with kids. A mom might confide in her 13 yr old son or daughter the way she would talk to her partner or girlfriend. This can be extremely confusing to a child, especially if the mom talks about their dad in a less than glowing way. Sometimes this can be presented to the child as, “You’re the only one who understands me, you’re my support system and you are so wise beyond your years.” Or, “You’ll never treat your future partner the way your dad treats me because you’re so sensitive.”

Why Does This Happen?

Parents who engage in misattunement or poor boundaries often don’t realize that what they are doing is harmful and problematic. Each family system is unique, and families may display problematic behaviors for different reasons. Families are often more likely to engage in these behaviors when:

Someone (or some family members) suffer with mental illness or addiction.
The previous generations have experienced misattunement and poor boundaries also.
There is a lack of healthy role models or information on how to communicate in a healthy way.
Parents are divorced, single-parent and stepparent families are in pain, without a way to express needs and feelings.
One or more members of the family are experiening grief over the loss of a pet, or family member, and there is no clear path for processing.

Fortunately, hope and healing is possible

When talking about this subject with clients that are parents, they often worry that they’ve “messed up” or “ruined” their children. They are worried about their kids without looking at their own story, to see if this was done to them. Both paths are necessary for healing, and starting to unpack the content of one’s own story is often a way to know how, when ready, to make amends to their own children. Putting one’s own oxygen mask on first before trying to help the kids is a necessary step that makes family therapy so much more productive. It gives family members the ability to look at and own their own behavior, which is the birthplace of healing.