Anxiety was my nemesis. It was this gnawing thing that confused me and felt ever present until I began looking at anxiety as a fear response- one designed to protect me-that I was misinterpreting. My anxiety was present because something WAS wrong- not because everything was going right. So, my anxiety was doing its job, I just wasn’t sure what it was trying to tell me. Here are some things you can ask yourself when you’re feeling that gnawing feeling too.

What messages am I telling myself? What “tapes” am I playing in my head? Are these messages helpful or unhelpful? A therapist can help you to learn to identify unhelpful thoughts and begin to challenge or replace these with more neutral or helpful ones.
How are my relationships? So often anxiety coping skills include breathing, meditation, mindfulness, yoga, etc. These coping skills are wonderful; however they are mostly individual activities. We forget to include a basic human need- safe relationships- in our coping skills. I can do all the breathing in the world but if I don’t feel safe or supported in most of my relationships, my anxiety will probably continue. Therapy can help you identify which relationships need better boundaries, deepening, or ending, and how to seek out more supportive relationships.
What am I consuming? This includes any media (news, social, music, apps), caffeine, medications, alcohol, work, or foods. Meditation and breathing cannot override watching 2 hours of fear inducing news, spending 2 hours on social media comparing myself, drinking 3 glasses of wine, and calling it a day.
Could it be another feeling? Many times, when I say I am “anxious”, it’s a blanket term for feelings that are more nuanced. Emotions often feel similar in our bodies until we learn how to identify them. What feels like anxiety could be many things: unexpressed/unacknowledged anger, grief, excitement, anticipation to name a few. Check out the https://feelingswheel.com to see just how nuanced our feelings can be.
What’s within my control? So often our anxiety causes us to worry, plan, or berate ourselves for situations and circumstances that are not within our control. If I focus on how I respond, how I communicate, and how I cope- I am more likely to feel empowered rather than hopeless and worrying.
Am I carrying around trauma? Our body “holds onto” stress and trauma if it is not discharged or “processed.” Even events that I can’t remember can be stored in my body from many years ago. If my body is holding in trauma, my nervous system will remain in a state of dysregulation until it is released. One way I know it could be unprocessed trauma is if I have done “all the things”- I’ve called someone, I’m going to therapy, I’m meditating, I’ve had a doctor’s visit, I’m watching what I’m consuming, and yet the feeling persists. A therapist can support you in what it means to have unprocessed trauma and safe ways to discharge or process it.

Trusting the process,

Jessica

Six Things to Ask Yourself When You’re Experiencing Anxiety