Surviving The Holidays

While there is certainly joy, love, and magic for some during the Holidays, what can also be true at the same time is that often there is also stress, resentment, shame, and sadness. The truth is- life, families, work, and finances are nuanced. Saying no is hard, setting boundaries when that’s not the norm is hard, speaking up for yourself is hard, feeling society’s pressure to look and operate to a certain standard is hard, and feeling emotions is hard. Sprinkle in a few months with family, a side of travel, a couple servings of money centered activities, and a heaping spoonful of overindulgence and you’ve got the perfect recipe for shame, resentment, and stress. 

When we can’t control what’s going on around us, we try to control what’s happening within by controlling our feelings.

One way we try to control our feelings is by medicating them. Medicating looks different for everyone. Some examples of medicating are:

  • Drinking or using substances

  • Controlling others, situations, and outcomes

  • Spending 

  • Sex

  • Staying busy- cleaning, caretaking others, overcommitting 

  • Getting lost in work or screens

  • Exercising until you’re too depleted to feel anything else

Chronic medicating can be insidious. We might not have overt consequences such as huge debt, DUIs, and breakups. What I see more often is that this chronic medicating takes us further from our true selves, pushes emotions even deeper, distracts from our ability to make the changes we want, and disconnects us from others. These “behind the scenes” or “underground” consequences then fuel restriction, shame, secrecy, loneliness, and more self-punishment. The Holidays are a time we are ripe for medicating. It’s sometimes even expected to spend, over commit, drink, and consume. 

There is a way out of medicating through the holidays. It doesn’t have to be your norm. Turning to preemptive self-care and trying new ways of soothing can become your new norm. Now, before the holiday stress hits, is the time to begin planning how you will take care of yourself. It may be helpful to being planning 

  • How YOU want the holidays to feel and be

  • Who you want to spend your time with

  • How you can self-soothe and cope with stress and strong emotions

  • What boundaries need to be set- with others and ourselves

  • Who can be of support: a trusted friend, a sponsor, people from a support group, a family member who is emotionally healthy

A wonderful gift to yourself and all of your relationships is to step into proactive self-care. The time to identify your support and resources is now, before there a crisis, you’re depleted, or a big event occurs. If you’d like support in planning for the holidays, finding more loving ways to cope, and trying to do things differently this year, we’d love help you. 

Warmly,

Jessica

Trauma CounselingChelsie Ciminelli