Five Tips to Thrive This Holiday Season
The Holidays are upon us! This realization often conjures up a wide array of thoughts, sensations, and emotions. While some individuals can’t wait to dress the turkey and deck those halls, others are just hoping to make it through with their sanity and sense of self intact, and still others experience a range of both joy and overwhelm. This complex relationship with the holiday season is not uncommon. So often I hear from clients about the pressure and expectations placed on themselves to ‘do it all’ and ‘be it all’. This belief that they need to be perceived as having it all together- especially around family and extended family is further amplified during the holiday season.
For many individuals the holidays are laden with deep expectations and deep-seated emotions tied to past experiences and memories. For individuals who grew up in families with many traditions, there may be the pressure to continue traditions. For individuals who may not have family, whether due to loss or through choice, there may be deep feelings of loneliness, sadness, or rejection. For new parents, there may be an expectation to either host the holidays so that extended family will have the opportunity to visit with the new little addition or to travel with their new babe… both options may bring on feelings of joy and dread.
The holidays are uniquely able to conjure so many different thoughts, feelings, and behaviors within an individual. Sometimes many different thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in one day (raise your hand if you can relate ☺). All of this is further compounded by those pesky expectations of perfection that we so easily fall into. Balancing external expectations (e.g., spouse, family, in-laws, friends) with your own expectations of self can be challenging.
With the holidays often serving as a catalyst for dysregulation, how do you stay well and enjoy the season? Well, I am so glad you asked! Below I humbly offer five acts of self-love that may support your recovery and healing throughout these coming weeks and months. Further, I encourage you to grow in your own awareness of what you have to offer yourself and others, and bravely communicate this boundary. This act of self-love (yes, boundaries are an act of love!) can make all the difference between surviving and thriving.
Breathe. Above all things, breathe. Our breathe has the power to slow us down and calm our nervous system. During moments of stress and distress our breathing often becomes quite shallow, beginning and ending in our chest. This shallow, and often rapid, breathing can exacerbate our dysregulation- keeping us in our fight-flight-freeze-fawn state. To use our breath as a means of regulation, we need to be a bit more intentional in our breathing. During your inhale- allow your lungs to fill to capacity, feel your rib cage expand and your belly rise. On your exhale- feel your lungs begin to deflate, your rib cage contract, and your belly lower. If you are struggling to slow your breath, it may be helpful to inhale using a count of four (inhale, 2, 3, 4) and exhale using a count of six (exhale, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6). Repeat this until you feel your body begin to settle. For those who like to follow a guided script, meditation apps can be a wonderful tool.
Grace. Have you noticed that it is much easier to offer grace and forgiveness to others rather than self? Or that the expectations for performance or perfection that we set for ourselves less often extends to others? This holiday season, consider stepping into grace. When things don’t go the way you intended or had planned (let’s face it, this will happen ☺), considering offering yourself grace and love- knowing that you are enough! Or perhaps when you lose your temper or respond more harshly than you would like to- breathe and be gentle with your heart, reminding yourself that you are human and you are healing. Grace is a beautiful gift.
Gratitude. Before the holidays get underway, consider starting a gratitude practice. At the end of the day spend a few moments reflecting on your day. How did you show up for yourself throughout the day? How did you uphold boundaries and speak your needs? During what moments did you lean into your healing and recovery? Write down a few things or moments for which you are grateful. This might look like a list or like a note of self-love…however you choose to document your victories and strengths is exactly correct. Later on, during times of stress and distress, refer back to this list to remind yourself of your abilities, resources, and strength. Then once again, thank yourself for showing up for you.
Identify your support people. This is also something I recommend spending time thinking about before the business of the holidays are upon us. If you are able, identify 3-5 people who are unrelated to you. These individuals are people who you can reach out to and rely on to offer care and support. This may look like a friend, a counselor, a sponsor, etc. Even more, these individuals are aware (to some degree) of your recovery and healing process. Communicate with them, let them know you may struggle more during family gatherings or if you will be alone during holidays and may need to reach out for connection. It may also be helpful to program hotlines and crisis lines into your phone ahead of the holidays. If you are already set up with a counselor, schedule and keep your appts throughout the holiday season. If you are considering beginning or returning to counseling, I encourage you to be proactive with your wellness and reach out today.
Use your resources! You have practiced your breathing exercises, begun to offer yourself grace and forgiveness, started a gratitude journal, scheduled counseling sessions, and programed support people and crisis lines into your phone. Now comes the real work… using these resources you have so intentionally cultivated for yourself. Lean into your resources and into your recovery. The holidays are challenging, even for the most functional families. Listen to your body, hear the messages it is sending, and when you begin to feel activated- reach into your recovery toolbox and pull out what you need in that moment. Repeat this process as many times as you need. Cultivating resources and using them is a beautiful and brave act of self-love.
Sending you continued healing and comfort this holiday season. I am grateful for the opportunity to share my thoughts with you and wish you a beautiful holiday season!
Gratefully,
Therese