Resentments

I often struggle with internalizing and allowing something to fester up and become much bigger than it needs to be. Over the years, I have learned how to implement techniques to let the little things go.

 To explain what I mean by this I am going to take you through a situation. The other day I received a message. The context of the message was a suggestion for my infant daughter. I read the message and immediately my brain does something miraculous; it takes the focus off of the context and flips it onto me. By this I mean I start making a lot of assumptions that I received this because I must have done something wrong and the negative internal dialogue starts: “I must being doing something wrong.” Once I have finished putting myself down my mind does another miraculous thing; it starts to want to know why I even received this message. With that comes anger in my mind. I start furiously googling away, as if that will give me reassurance. I type in “is it appropriate to receive unsolicited advice?” “Is this developmentally appropriate for this age?” All these questions I don’t know really need to know the answer to, but I am letting this build up inside me.

And then I remember to pause. To breathe.

Wait a minute, let me re-read this text message. Why am I getting so upset about this? 

The text didn’t even say that.

Could this be more about me then it is about what the text message reads? Is that possible? Is it possible that this is about my concern over what others think of my parenting and has absolutely nothing to do with this message?

Regardless, I have allowed this to become much bigger than it needed to be in my mind. 

I am grateful today that I am able to de-escalate my mind much more quickly and not allow something to turn into something I hold onto for years.

Resentments can be difficult and can linger, boiling over with anger and frustration. It is very difficult to look at the part that I play in it, but I have to own my responsibility that I allowed myself to let something so small take up so much room in my mind. In the past, I had a lot of ways to deal with things that upset me and they were not healthy ways. Maybe when I get more comfortable blogging I will share more about that. For now, I will share with you a healthy way I dealt with my festering confusing feelings.

I walked into a meeting at a little old church and sat down in a familiar old chair with my diet coke just waiting to hear about the topic thinking to myself how I just want to go home and catch up on the dateline I missed and this chair is so uncomfortable. Well, the meeting started and I tuned into the words ``tonight we are going to talk about resentments.” I perked up a bit because that was exactly what I was allowing myself to do, turning something into a resentment. When I look at the word resentment I realize there is a lot to the word. Resentment can be defined in a lot of different ways. I heard a lot of different definitions by many different people. One person described it as “when you are watching the news and the sub-headlines that come across, if this comes across your mind during the day then that is a resentment.” Another person described resentment as originating from Latin meaning re(again) and described it as anything you think of again is a resentment. So I was thinking in my mind that I definitely met the definition of a resentment because of seeing that text message flash in my head several times that day, but how do I let that go? I am not sure if I will ever truly just let things go, but I know what does help me and that is being able to see the part I play in it. I am not saying it is easy, it takes a lot of hard work.

However, I found that after I took ownership of my part in this scenario, I was able to let go and see that no matter what the intention behind the text message was, I felt ok and did not have to think about it anymore.

For me I had allowed this message to take up unnecessary space in my head. It’s powerful to take ownership and let go! Me oh my beautiful miraculous brain allowed this message to occupy space in my head all on its own! Whether you are struggling with being your own worst critic or having difficulty holding onto something, know that support is here.

To learn more about how we can support you at Relationship Enrichment Center, please visit our anxiety counseling page.

Trusting the process,

Emily Nelson Floyd