Religiosity: according to Wikipedia, Religiosity is difficult to define, but different scholars have seen this concept as broadly about religious orientations and involvement. It includes ritualistic, ideological, intellectual, consequential, creedal, communal, doctrinal, moral, and cultural dimensions. When I’ve seen it or heard about it in my office, it is often a form of spiritual bypass. I believe that Religiosity is a response to trauma, much like medicating feelings with substances. One can medicate their feelings with perfection and extreme judgement…in the context of religion. It is a form of insulation that often cuts off relationship. It’s the legalism or rules that often create hurt and rebellion. It parallels the old adage: rules without relationship equals rebellion.

As a child I remember Sunday mornings and getting ready for church. It was highly stressful and once I was dressed I wasn’t allowed to do anything. I was supposed to sit still and look good, and not get my dress dirty. My favorite part of Sunday school was the juice and cookies. My mom and dad would experience lots of tension about getting us there on time, and looking a certain way. It was not an attitude of curiosity, excitement, learning and comfort. Instead It felt as if we were going there to be judged, compared and asked to do something for which one parent always said yes and the other parent always said no. This created more tension.

I think this is also where I formed my transactional beliefs about religion. I thought if I was good and did “good things” I would be rewarded. I also bought into the idea of putting on appearances. When I encounter religiosity today, I feel as if I’m being judged and or misunderstood.

When I hear clients talk about when they were kids, and having been told they would go to hell if they ever told a lie, or cheated on a test or had sexual thoughts, I believe I’m hearing a common form of religiosity, where the message has been manipulated. They were told these things in an effort to teach right from wrong. Someone in power who’s actions didn’t line up with their words. The religious authority who said my client would go to hell for having sexual thoughts and that same religious leader being unfaithful in his own marriage. These is are examples of religiosity, when the message is so misunderstood and misapplied by a parent, religious leader and or authority. It’s unfortunate when the message gets so distorted. It’s unfortunate when the message disconnects relationship when the intention is about teaching and guiding.

Religiosity often feels stressful, critical, defensive and competitive. When I notice these things in the conversation or in my spirit, chances are I am misunderstanding or misinterpreting the message. My spirituality teaches me that if I encounter a stressful, critical, defended and judging person, I do not have to mirror that person. My stepping into an argument or asserting my will over someone else could be interpreted as the same thing. Taking the risk and sharing feelings, “I feel so judged when I hear you say that,” or “I feel myself getting defensive as I’m listening to you,” could be a more effective way, maybe a more impactful way to make a connection. Religiosity is void of connection and spirituality is total connection.

I have used religiosity as a reason to negate Religion and judge the messengers that have wronged me. I have also lumped the messengers with the message as my reason to stop, resist and turn away. I’ve also had amazing people gently point this out, and assist in healing my wounded part in this. The result has been enlightening and continues to show, guide and teach me in ways beyond what I could have ever imagined.

—Sheila Maitland, LCMHCS, CSAT

Religiosity: A Response to Trauma